Be With People who Make You Feel Safe
Or: Family is the folks whose presence helps you feel comfortable.
Right now, I am at a friend’s house writing this on my phone. I have a little portable Bluetooth keyboard that I keep in my (un-stylish) cargo pants pocket, and I take it with me everywhere. You know, just in case I get the urge to write something. Like now.
Why am I writing this at my friend’s house when I could be hanging out with them, talking, playing games, or otherwise engaging their company?
Simple. I am engaging their company. Right now, as I’m writing this.
We’ve already had lunch — pumpernickel bread, cream cheese, and smoked salmon — and played a board game — Splendor, a fun little game that goes pretty quickly. We’ve chatted quite a bit, enjoyed each other’s company, and are now in that weird in-between time while dinner is cooking but there’s not much to do right this very second.
It’s a hot summer day, getting into the evening but not quite, and we’re all a bit zonked from the week. Our hosts are rotating through the kitchen, doing various bits of cooking and whatnot when they’re not on their computers or lost in their phones. My wife is on the couch relaxing and reading a book (probably). We’ve got another game of Splendor set up for whenever everyone gets done with whatever they’re doing, but we’re mostly just relaxing and unwinding.
Basically, we’re enjoying a bit of a siesta, so to speak. We’ve been chatting on and off for a bit, but we’re mostly just relaxing before dinner and the evening’s activities — more board games, probably.
To me, this is what I consider family. There are no obligations, no forced chit-chat, nothing that we don’t want to do. We are enjoying each other’s company in our own ways — I’m writing, one of my hosts is enjoying a game of solitaire on his computer, others are doing their own things or working on cooking some type of food, and we’re all just…relaxing.
When you’re in the presence of close friends or family, I don’t think that there needs to be any sort of forced banter or required activities. Yes, I love to see the people I care about and love very much, but there is no obligation to interact if we don’t want to.
We have spent much of the afternoon together, rotating in and out of each other’s circles in this house, but we’ve all had busy, stressful weeks and are enjoying ourselves in ways that we want. Right now, that means that most of us are doing our own things.
Honestly, I think that’s one of the things I enjoy about these particular friends. Yes, I love to see them, to play games, talk, and break bread with them, but there are plenty of times when I am more than happy to simply occupy the same space as they do. No chit chat, no games, no food, just spending time with them in their home, enjoying each other’s company.
I feel comfortable here. Safe. Safe to relax and do what I want (or just do nothing). Safe to let my guard down. Safe to simply exist in this space, unhindered by ceremony or obligation. Just…safe.
And, while I know that not everyone has friends or family with whom they feel entirely safe, I am quite thankful that I do. I know that I can come here and find friendly, welcoming people who love and cherish me, and I am incredibly grateful that I know these people who make this possible.
I love that about them. I am sitting here, off in the dining room, tapping away on my keyboard. The rest of everyone here is off in their own spaces, simply existing together. The host’s son is at the table with me, watching TikTok. Their daughter is in her room watching K-dramas.
There is a lot going on, and at the same time, not very much is happening. And I love it.
I’m comfortable, content, just sort of vibing in this place where I feel safe and secure, enjoying the company of the people I care about while we do our own things. And frankly? I wouldn’t trade it for the world right now.
Be well out there.